Transcript for Writing Your Resilience Episode 95

You Don't Suck at Meditation with Lisa Cooper Ellison

Lisa Ellison [0:00]
Listeners, I want to paint a picture for you. Imagine that you are sitting at your favorite writing retreat center. The facilitator in front of you has just passed out some incredible prompts. You are so eager to get started. Your notebook is in front of you, or your laptop. Ideas are flowing through your mind.

But before you get started, the facilitator says you must do a meditation alongside her. This facilitator talks about how meditation has changed her writing life and how she practices it every single day before sitting down to write.

As you listen and prepare for this meditation, you begin to deflate because there’s a part of you that knows the truth: you suck at meditation—and these few minutes are going to be terrible.

Raise your hand if that has ever been your experience. I know there have been times when it’s been mine, even though I have a lifelong meditation practice. So why is this the case?

That’s what we’re going to talk about during today’s episode of the Writing Your Resilience podcast. I’m going to bust the myths around meditation that make you think you suck at it. And let me tell you, the last one flies in the face of probably everything you’ve ever heard about meditation—so you’re definitely going to want to stick around for that one.

Let’s go ahead and get started.

Lisa Ellison [1:35]
 
So today we’re going to talk about what meditation is, and then I’m going to bust the five myths around meditation that might be causing you to think you suck at it.

Let’s begin with a definition. But before we get there, I want to share a bit about my relationship with meditation—since I’m the one talking to you about it today.

I’ve been that facilitator who has said meditation changed my writing life. I’ve shared it with so many people who’ve come to me and said, “Hey, Lisa, I love that you do this, but I either hate meditation, don’t want to do meditation, or I suck at it—and now I’m feeling really bad about it.”

If you’ve been any of those people, this episode is for you.

So, what is my relationship with meditation? I actually grew up in a Buddhist community. I converted to Buddhism when I was eight years old, and I’ve practiced different forms of meditation for most of my life.

There are plenty of times when I think, I’ve done this for so long, and I probably still suck at it. So, if you think you suck at it, I’ve been right there alongside you—and some days, that’s exactly where I stand.

But before we get into why that’s the case, let’s talk about what meditation actually is, so we have a shared definition.

Meditation is a form of thought or brain training that comes from Eastern traditions—its origins are in Hinduism and Buddhism. That’s where it comes from, though there are certainly non-religious forms of meditation that people practice.

Probably one of the most popular is mindfulness-based stress reduction, or mindfulness-based meditation, which was made popular by Jon Kabat-Zinn. This is a form of meditation in which you focus on non-judgmental awareness of what’s happening around you and inside you.

Lisa Ellison [3:45]
Another form of meditation you may have heard of is Vipassana meditation. It sounds fancy, but all it really means is meditation focused on body awareness or body scanning. Body scanning is, in fact, a form of Vipassana meditation.

While meditation is often associated with Eastern religions, it isn’t limited to them. Prayer is also a form of meditation—it’s a kind of thought or brain training in which you focus on a specific set of thoughts. So, you can be Christian, or even an atheist, and still practice meditation. It really depends on you and the kind of meditation that resonates with your interests and beliefs.

I love this quote by Amit Ray because it beautifully captures the essence of meditation:

“Suffering is due to our disconnection with the inner soul. Meditation is establishing that connection.”

When we meditate, we are connecting with ourselves. And sometimes we do that well—though I wouldn’t say perfectly. I’ve never met anyone who meditates perfectly, not even the lamas I’ve met who have practiced for most of their lives and spend hours each day in meditation. Even they don’t always get it “right.”

So, we need to give ourselves a lot of grace when it comes to how we think about and approach meditation.

Here’s one reason you might feel like you should add meditation to your writing practice: many writing instructors talk about it. And when they do, they often cite all the research showing the benefits of meditation—how it can calm the mind, increase clarity, and create a greater sense of well-being.

There’s a lot of research out there, particularly around mindfulness-based meditation and mindfulness-based stress reduction programs. In fact, there are entire classes built around these systems, and they come with plenty of clinical data showing how meditation can improve your mood and your mental health.

That’s one of the reasons writing instructors encourage it. Personally, I’ve found that when I meditate, it helps me still and focus my mind. Because it’s a regular part of my writing practice, it also primes my brain—it tells my brain, it’s time to be creative.

No matter what your ritual is, when you do it consistently, it trains your brain to recognize the creative signal: Oh, this is the time when I write. Let’s get creative now. Meditation can be an efficient way to create that response if it’s something you do regularly.

So those are some of the reasons we think meditation is good for us—there’s the clinical data, and of course, the writing instructors who keep recommending it.

But what people don’t talk about is this: despite all that, many of us still feel like we suck at meditation. And because we’re afraid of being judged, no one admits it. Yet feeling like you’re bad at meditation is incredibly common, and it’s usually related to two things.

First, the story we tell ourselves about what meditation is or what it should feel like—especially when we compare our messy insides to someone else’s serene outsides.

And second, the myths we believe about meditation itself.

So, let’s get to those myths.

Myth #1: The goal of meditation is to stop thinking.

Lisa Ellison [6:20]
And people who are good at meditation are supposedly able not only to stop thinking, but also to stop itching their nose, scratching their arm, fidgeting, or worrying about whether their feet are falling asleep.

Let’s go ahead and bust that myth.

There are some meditation practices where the goal is to empty your mind of all thought. But there are plenty of others where that’s not the case. If you’re doing a mantra meditation, for instance—or perhaps engaging in prayer—you might be repeating a word, thought, or idea, either silently or out loud.

You might also practice a form of meditation where you simply watch your thoughts go by. In many of these practices, there’s something called an anchor—a physical sensation or action that helps you stay present. For example, you might focus on the feeling of your breath as it leaves your nose or mouth, or the sensation of your feet pressing into the floor. Those physical points of attention help keep your mind from diving into the soap operas of everyday life.

But here’s the reality: you might see someone sitting perfectly still, looking serene and peaceful, while inside their head a full-blown drama or argument is unfolding. That’s because our minds are designed to think—that’s what they do.

When we’re upset, anxious, or tired, our minds are even more likely to wander. Some of us also just have busier minds than others. If yours goes ding, ding, ding with one idea after another, that may simply be your set point. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

All you have to do is show up and engage in the practice, whatever that looks like. That’s why it’s called a meditation practice—not meditation perfection or meditation arrival time. There are no meditation trophies. (Though honestly, after all these years, I feel like I deserve one!)

So, listeners, if you think I should have a meditation trophy, please leave a comment—especially on YouTube, because that helps with the algorithm—and let me know what that trophy should look like.

All right; I digress. Let’s get back to the serious stuff.

The reason so many of us think we suck at meditation is because our minds constantly churn out thoughts. Maybe you’ve sat down to meditate and thought, my fingers smell weird. I didn’t like my breakfast. My stomach hurts. Oh no, I’m trying to hold in a fart—will anyone notice if I let it out?

These are the kinds of thoughts that come up for everyone. And even though I’ve been meditating for a really long time, there are still days when my mind is filled with that kind of chatter. When that happens, I just keep coming back to the point of the meditation.

Sometimes my mind will play out a major drama—I’ll replay an argument or imagine one I wish I’d had. Then I’ll catch myself and think, oh, wow, there’s a whole story happening here. Wait—what’s the meditation again? And I’ll return to it.

I might have to do that a hundred or even two hundred times in a single session—and that’s just the reality of meditation.

So, Myth #1: You have to empty your mind of all thoughts.
Busted. You don’t.

Lisa Ellison [10:05]
That takes us to Myth #2: I have to meditate for a long time to be good at it.

Here’s the truth: yes, there are monks, lamas, and lifelong practitioners who meditate for long stretches, and some retreats involve full days of meditation. But for most of us, the goal is to meditate for the amount of time that feels right.

Let me tell you a little story about what didn’t feel right when I was eight, nine, or ten years old in my Buddhist community.

Like any other kid, I was fidgety and wanted to play. But I was also a serious practitioner. We’d go to sanghas—Buddhist meetings—where we did chanting meditations. Sometimes we’d meditate for fifteen minutes, which felt pretty good. Five minutes felt even better.

But every so often, we’d start chanting, and I’d glance at the clock—fifteen minutes passed, then thirty—and everyone around me looked utterly serene. Meanwhile, I was noticing how asleep my feet were. I started flicking my toes just to see if they still worked.

If you sit in a kneeling position long enough, your feet start to feel like corpse limbs that belong to someone else. And as a kid, I would start to wonder, Are they dead? Will they ever wake up?

Still, on the outside, I tried to look like the “cool Buddhists” who seemed perfectly composed. Inside, I was battling the clock.

At nine or ten years old, two hours of meditation was way too long. And even now, after years of practice, certain lengths still feel too long.

So, here’s the takeaway: meditate for as long as feels good for you—and whatever you can do consistently is the right amount of time.

For some, that’s one minute. For others, five or ten. It doesn’t have to be long. If you’re just waiting for it to be over, it’s not helping much anyway. Start small and only extend the time if and when it feels right.

That’s Myth #2—busted.

Lisa Ellison [14:25]
Now let’s talk about Myth #3: I have to do something special to meditate.

A lot of people think meditation requires special instructions or techniques. But you can turn almost anything into meditation—especially mindfulness meditation, which is simply about being present.

You can make washing the dishes a meditation by focusing on each movement. Making tea, cooking, running, painting—even writing—can all be forms of meditation.

Here’s a practice I often give people who hate meditation:
Start with this prompt—Here’s what keeps me from being present.
Write everything that comes to mind. When you’re done, that’s your meditation.

It’s not about what you’re doing; it’s about your intention and your focus on the present moment.

Lisa Ellison [16:10]
That leads us to Myth #4: Meditation must be done sitting down with your eyes closed—preferably on a cushion or mat.

That’s entirely false.

There are so many ways to meditate beyond sitting still. And if you’re a trauma survivor, I want you to hear this clearly: you do not have to close your eyes. When I lead meditations, I always say you can close your eyes or simply soften your gaze toward something in front of you.

The goal is to turn your attention inward, not to force yourself into discomfort.

There are also open-eye meditations where you focus on an image or photo. And for those who find sitting still difficult, movement-based meditations can be incredibly grounding.

One of my favorites is Soles of the Feet—a practice where you stand and pay attention to the sensations in your feet as you shift and move.

Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book Peace is Every Step, describes a beautiful walking meditation that encourages awareness of both movement and thought.

If you’re a trauma survivor or someone with a busy mind, try one of these movement-based meditations. You may find that your brain quiets more easily—and that you feel more successful.

Lisa Ellison [19:20]
Now for Myth #5—the most important one, especially if you’re a trauma survivor.

While meditation has many benefits, it can also be difficult and, in some cases, even harmful.

There are two main reasons why.

First, if your trauma involved physical harm—sexual abuse, assault, or violence—and you practice a meditation that takes you deep into the body, it can trigger anxiety. If your body doesn’t yet feel like a safe place, body-based meditation may not be right for you right now. If that happens, stop. Listen to your body.

This is especially true if you’re meditating alone. If you want to experiment safely, start with guided meditations. They cue your mind in gentle, specific ways and are usually shorter in length.

The Insight Timer app has many excellent guided meditations and remember—you don’t have to do them for long. Start with one or five minutes and see how it feels.

Second, if you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts, meditation can sometimes make things worse. Sitting silently with dark thoughts can pull you into a spiral. Guided meditations, again, can help by keeping your attention gently focused.

I still do guided meditations regularly because they help calm my busy mind. I also practice silent, walking, and chanting meditations—but I’ve never forced myself to “graduate” from guided ones. They’re a tool, and I use them whenever they serve me.

So those are the five myths that might make you think you suck at meditation. And if you think I missed one, please leave a comment—I’d love to address it in a future episode.

Lisa Ellison [24:15]
I want to wrap up with a few thoughts.

First, meditation is just one way to calm and train the brain. It’s not the only way. What matters most is having a ritual—something that signals to your brain and body that it’s time to write.

Second, you can’t suck at meditation. It’s a practice. Some days will feel easy; others will feel impossible. That’s normal. Those “bad” days often have more to do with what’s happening in your body or environment than with your ability.

There are countless types of meditation. The key is to choose the one that works for you—or skip it altogether if it doesn’t. What matters is that your ritual supports your creativity and well-being.

And finally: if it feels bad, don’t do it. Especially if you’re a trauma survivor, you have full permission to say no. Your body and mind will thank you.

I’ll end with a quote from Sogyal Rinpoche:

“Meditation is bringing the mind home.”

More than anything, I hope you find ways to bring your mind home—to that inner peace and calm that have always lived inside you, no matter what you’ve experienced or what stories you’ve told yourself.

If you have questions about today’s topic, please share them in the comments—I’d love to answer them.